Grief is one of those things you think you understand… until it shows up and makes itself at home. It doesn’t knock. It doesn’t wait to be invited. It just barges in and takes over every corner of your life.

After losing my sister, I quickly realized grief isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you learn to carry. Some days it whispers. Some days it roars. And it never really leaves. But along the way, I’ve learned a few things about grief that I want to share.

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Lesson 1: Grief is sneaky

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re crying in the car because a song came on the radio. Or you’re in the grocery store and see her favorite snack, and suddenly you can’t see through tears. I’ve learned not to shove those moments down or pretend they don’t exist. Instead, I let them come. Tears are part of the process, and they don’t mean I’m weak — they mean I loved someone deeply.

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Lesson 2: Grief is heavy, but love is heavier

There are days when the weight of grief feels crushing. The kind of pain that makes you wonder if it will ever get easier. But the truth is, that pain is proof of love. I wouldn’t hurt this much if my sister hadn’t been such a huge part of my life. Remembering that shifts my perspective. Instead of only focusing on the ache, I try to see it as the shadow of something beautiful: a bond that even death can’t take away.

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Lesson 3: Grief is different for everyone

I’ve learned there’s no “right” way to grieve. Some people cry. Some people get angry. Some people throw themselves into work or distractions. For me, it’s often tears at unexpected times, or moments when I just need to be quiet. For others in my family, it looks completely different. And that’s okay. We each have to find our own way of carrying the loss. Grief isn’t a straight road — it’s messy, it’s winding, and it looks different for everyone walking it.

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Lesson 4: Grief doesn’t erase joy

At first, I felt guilty when I laughed. How could I feel happy when my sister was gone? But grief and joy can live side by side. They aren’t enemies — they’re companions. I’ve learned that it’s okay to laugh at a funny memory or smile during family time, even if I cry later. Joy doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten her. It means I’m honoring the life she lived by still choosing to live mine.

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Lesson 5: Grief is a teacher

As painful as it is, grief has been one of my biggest teachers. It’s taught me to slow down and notice the little things — a sunset, a hug, a quiet moment with my kids. It’s shown me how fragile life is, and how important it is to show up for the people I love. And maybe most importantly, it’s taught me that grief and love are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other.

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Grief will always be a part of me now. But so will my sister’s light, her compassion, and the memories we shared. I carry both. And maybe that’s what healing really looks like — not erasing the grief, but learning to live with both the sorrow and the love, side by side.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re walking through grief, please know you’re not alone. The journey looks different for all of us, but we can carry each other’s stories along the way.

I’d love to hear from you — whether it’s about someone you miss, what grief has taught you, or simply how you’re holding on right now. Feel free to share in the comments.

Sometimes just knowing someone else understands makes the weight a little lighter.